Fruitless

 for J

33 & no mouth to account
for       no abdomen expanded and
deflated           no answer
to these widened hips
except my own hands
            as I satisfy myself at
  no expense

to another.       A barren choice
but I wanted this freedom   connected
   yet without debt to flesh.

Remembering you      I curse
             my lack of a rib
to spare you in our making—

no extra marrow of me to become
bone of you.
            What could I have given
to make you stay?


                        I want
to purchase again the drugs
that brought your lips

   to mine         the powders
we nostriled in & swallowed down
that glowed the whole room

            orange   bright sun      our bodies
mirrors of each other.